Charleston, South Carolina Entitlement Bill of Rights

We ordain these words to the people of Charleston as the standard rights of entitlement as a Charleston citizen

Charleston, South Carolina Entitlement Bill of Rights

  • We shall always remain the Number 1 City in the United States and World under the doctrine of Conde Nast and no other publication, survey or list shall matter.
  • We shall continue to abolish homelessness and drive the poor black and white communities out of the proper
  • Cranes will serve as worship deities from above ruling the skies of the once Holy City
  • The history books will remember us as a city of racial injustice (Walter Scott / Emanuel AME) and weep for us
  • We shall be the leader in Instagram instant gratification filling the social platform with pretty people, pretty food and pretty things
  • We shall rejoice for Christmas with holiday parties, theater, comedy, dining and parades and shun the thought of cold weather
  • We will develop and praise the birth of the $500 a night hotel with butlers, carriages and $20.00 cocktails, yet not offer up a professional sports franchise for the locals to rally around
  • We shall drink on every occasion and every non-occasion, declaring all Charleston festivals a time of spirits and beer
  • The weekends of September through January will be National Holidays celebrating the piety of the Gamecocks, Tigers and Panthers
  • We will pray on rooftop bars bringing us closer to the heavens. I’ll toast to that
  • The beaches will be worship palaces of the flesh
  • Humidity will cleanse the soul by releasing all the inner toxins

In Charleston, we trust

 

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