Lowcountry

By Mark A. Leon

“How lucky I am to have known someone who was so hard to say goodbye to.” – Unknown

“Why does it take a minute to say hello and forever to say goodbye?” – Unknown

Change is frightening and physically holding someone’s hand that you love one last time is a feeling most of us never want to face. It is an inevitability of life that every person will face. Some goodbyes are as easy as walking away and not looking back while others are wrapped in final closure.

Everyone you ever face in your life, you will say goodbye to in spoken and unspoken words. You can’t neglect that fact of life. Perhaps that is why the fear of death and commitment are two of the top ten most feared things. So many of us will try and find the silver lining in goodbye with phrases like:

• Every goodbye is one step closer to a new hello
• Every ending is closer to a new beginning
• You have to say goodbye to know how much they really meant
• Don’t think of this as a goodbye but a reflection on all the wonderful times you shared
• You will always have the memories

It is all psychological bullshit. It is an attempt to sugarcoat a bitter cupcake. Farewells suck. Especially to ones that have brought you so much happiness and contentment. Why would we ever want to let go of someone that has affected our lives?

There is a difference.
Letting go and saying goodbye is very different.

Everything in life has a purpose, or at least we have created the perception that it does. We have all had the one that got away. The lost love; the true soul mate; the person that made me believe in love; you got the idea.

Is there anything wrong with those moments of solace when you light some candles, drink wine and remember the times you shared and even create a scenario in your mind where you two are still together? Actually no. It is healthy and so often you feel better afterward. Maybe after the hangover has gone away. It is the flushing of feelings that is necessary. If it wasn’t, we wouldn’t have decades of sappy love songs from Richard Marx to KC and JoJo.

An emotional flush. What a great thought. It is healthy and can even burn off calories.

Now, let us get back on topic. As a person who is well-traveled and has had more than my share of people come in and out of my life, I can feel comfortable saying some were harder than others. Some even still are. Do I miss a few every single day? Absolutely. I have also put life in perspective and come to expect this.

Here is what you need to remember:

1. Don’t ever let go of anyone.  Whether they were a friend, lover or enemy, they impacted your life.  That is critical to understand.  They shaped your morals, feelings, actions, and lifestyle in some small or big way.
2. Saying goodbye takes tremendous courage.  Look deep inside your soul and gather all that courage.  It is hard and you will resist but it is essential, not just in that moment but in the future as you reflect back.
3. Farewells are healthy.  They are part of our growth process.  Life is a constant evolution of growth, change, and adjustment.  We want to accept that as we strive to become the best person we can
4. The hardest thing for most people when saying goodbye is to make peace with yourself.  Often times we blame ourselves for the separation. Never ever blame yourself.

That is it.

Goodbye will happen many times throughout our lives.

Some will be heart-wrenching and others will be subtle.  It will happen.  More often for some of us.

We need to accept it will happen and use the courage we all have inside to allow it.